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humorous thoughts

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Flatter her,
Smile at her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked.
Bring alcohol.

 

 

REDNECK-ISM'S

What's the plural of Y'all?? All-Y'all

Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch it until she's fourteen.


What's the most popular pick-up line in Alabama? "Nice tooth".


Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operators told Bubba she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?'


How do you know when your staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says, "go ahead."


How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married? There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.


Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.


What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi? A documentary.


How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum? Two. One to eat and one to watch for traffic.


Why did God invent Armadillos? So that Texas rednecks can have 'possum on the half shell.


Where was the toothbrush invented? Oklahoma. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush


Arkansas State Trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says "Bout what?"

 

Did you here about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years

 

Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA.

 

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas Burned Down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

 

A new law recently passed in North Carolina: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.


What's the best thing ever to come out of Arkansas? I-40


Two Mississippians are walking down different end of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens."

"If I guess how many they are, can I have one?' "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."

"OK. Ummmmmmmm . . . five?"


W
hy do folks in Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more? 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.


What do you have when you have 32 Rednecks in the same room? A full set of teeth.

 

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