humorous thoughts

Help Desk Dialog

[Rumored to be a true story]

Help Desk: Tech support, how may I help you?

User: Hi, I'm having some trouble with WordPerfect.

Help Desk: OK, what sort of trouble?

User: Well, I was just typing a letter, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Help Desk: Went away?

User: They disappeared.

Help Desk: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

User: Nothing.

Help Desk: Nothing?

User: It's just blank, it won't accept anything when I type.

Help Desk: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?

User: How do I tell?

Help Desk: Do you still have the window open? Or the C: prompt on the screen?

User: Huh? No, I'm in the den.

Help Desk: Umm ... never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?

User: There isn't any cursor, I told you, nothing happens when I type.

Help Desk: Does your monitor have a power indicator?

User: Where's the monitor?

Help Desk: Ah ... it's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?

User: I don't know.

Help Desk: Well then ... look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

User: Yes, I think so.

Help Desk: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the outlet.

User: [Long pause] ... Yes, it is.

Help Desk: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?

User: No.

Help Desk: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

User: [Long pause] ... Okay, I found it.

Help Desk: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.

User: I can't reach.

Help Desk: Okay, um ... Well, can you see if it is?

User: No.

Help Desk: Well just lean over or kneel down on the floor to see?

User: Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.

Help Desk: Dark?

User: Yes, the light is off, and the window is way on the other side of the room.

Help Desk: Well, turn on the light then.

User: I can't.

Help Desk: You can't?

User: There's a power outage.

Help Desk: A ... A power outage? Ah... Okay, here's what you have to do. Do you still have the boxes and packing material and stuff your computer came in?

User: I think so, I keep them in the closet.

Help Desk: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.

User: Really? Is it that bad?

Help Desk: Yes, I'm afraid it is.

User: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

Help Desk: Tell them you're too damn stupid to own a computer.




Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"

Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"

Say "Damn, this water is cold."

Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

Say, "Now how did that get there?"

Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

Continued tomorrow



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