humorous thoughts

Grownup Advice from Kids

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

School lunches stick to the wall.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.

It's hard to unlearn a bad word.

Ask Why until you understand.

It's easier to see the mistakes on someone else's paper.

A pencil without an eraser might as well just be a pen.

It's only fun to play school when you're the teacher.

Silence can be an answer.

Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines.

Twelve is a lot older than eight.

Sometimes your best move is blocked by your own checkers.

Some nights it's not worth fighting over who gets the top bunk.

Don't expect your friends to be as excited about your "100" as you are.

Don't say that the "Last One is a Rotten Egg" nless you're absolutely sure there's a slow kid behind you.

If you don't like the birthday girl, don't go to the party.

Crawling still gets you there.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.

You can't start over just because you're losing the game.

When you're dressed up like a princess, it's easier to act like one.

If a tree had apples last year, don't expect pears this year.

One drop of black paint from the brush clouds the whole cup of water.

You can't be everyone's best friend.

A snow day is more fun than a vacation day.

Say grace.

If you want someone to listen to you, whisper it.

Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying.

Ask where things come from.

If you throw a ball at someone, they'll probably throw it back.




Why Stupid is Socially Acceptable ... Not!

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Anything too stupid to be said is sung.

Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.



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