humorous thoughts


Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

Earth first ... we'll mine the other planets later.

How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks!

Jesus loves you ... everyone else thinks you're an asshole

I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools

Continued tomorrow



What to do when an police officer pulls you over …

Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

When he says no(to going out with you), cry.

If he says yes(to going out with you), accuse him of sexual harassment.

If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.

If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.

When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first."

Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers.

After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."

Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him, "Sorry, I just ate the last one."

Continued tomorrow



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